Apathy. Part 1.
My greatest fear has always been letting down those close to me. Hurting. Betraying. Losing. What hurts more is this was all unexpected.
I let you down.
I hurt you.
I betrayed you.
I lost you.
And though I prepared for you to hurt, and subsequently: me- hurt, you felt nothing. The pain that was meant to be split by two individuals hit me harder than starched sheets. I wish it hadn’t rained that night. I wish you hadn’t left. I wish we never tried. I wish I would have known to doubt you. I am rethinking every kind word you have ever sent to me. I am rethinking every feeling I had for you. I am hurting. God damn, can’t you see?
But I’ve lost you and all the good things we had faded. And now I finally see that you are just like everyone else of importance in my life: Gone.