March 2012
6 posts
Why would anyone want to settle for a small town girl with eyes too big for her heart?
2 tags
Today may have been the worst day because its the...
He stared devilishly
She smiled sheepishly
He knew it would hurt
She knew it would hurther
He knew the risk
She knew the reward
He sent a kiss
She pushed him forward
He grinned deeply with delight
She motioned to him
He turned out the light
She giggled slowly
He watched her undress
She thought for a minute
He took off the rest
She awoke in pain...
-of all trades
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
??
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jack
Jill
Jack
Jack
Jack
Masterpiece of (un)the(atre) theatre
We do not remember days, We remember moments.
I should probably learn to live by this a little more. But I’m foolishly in love with numbers, I’m smitten for dates but lately I’ve fallen forward for forgetfulness.
This is my day, this is my moment, this is my memory.
Now watch me fuck it up beautifully.
2 tags
February 2012
10 posts
1 tag
Untitled
He’s my life vest
my anchor
without him I’ll float away
He knows the right ways to say things
all the (w)right things to say and
the right order to say them.
He is the moon shining through any darkness
He does not pick me up from the bottom
He teaches me how to life up myself.
He is the waves on my shore-
coming and going
but never for long
He is my...
Walt Whitman
is
inspired
Ape E
Dear Jack-
I’m sorry but this is what I have to do. I hope this distance does not kill you. I hope you understand that it is what I need to do. I hope this distance is killing you.
Because it isn’t killing me. You put all your strength into looking strong and not enough into being strong.
Downfall.
3 tags
Cotton Ball
white and fluffy-
the cat’s meow.
await the door bell
hiss and growl.
moans from the hallway
moans from the stair.
crying and waiting
for someone to care.
Remember when it would rain and
we’d laugh
smoking cigarettes and
waiting for the caf?
Drunken rambles of the 2 AM Bride
my eye balls teared together. they close. they close. they’re close.
it pains me. all else seems irrelevant compared to you.
2 tags
Reclaiming the Scene
There are so many things I regret. There are so many pieces of me i wish i could delete, give away, abolish. but maturity had taught me that i cannot. I need to love things about myself that no one else does, I need to understand my psyche more than any other human here. So many things keep me from love, or intimacy, but I’m over it. Yes, I have flaws, big flaws that affect others. Flaws I...
Things I wish you knew
Dear Jack,
I feel you slipping away further as the mileage grows and grows.
I don’t think you know how much I need you, or how much I think my need for you bothers you every minute of the day. I wish you knew how much my heart hurts when I think of how far you are from me. I wish you knew that the time we spent with each other was the best time of my entire life and everything after is...
2 tags
DJ's
Bob is at the counter wearing tired eyes
awaiting my return, a sweet surprise.
Christine is ecstatic when my car rolls up,
she’s brewed me some coffee into my cup.
Danielle, who I, too, can never remember
whether or not we met last September.
And Shaunee with all his photoesque glory
is always excited for my homecoming story.
There’s George with his laugh and his sweet, sweet...
January 2012
17 posts
4 tags
My downward spiral is gaining momentum
As we speak you lie asleep.
I can’t remember the last time I saw you awake. I hoped you’d come out once I stopped but a piece of me knew you wouldn’t.
I’m searching for you, have been, and will keep on.
I hurt, but I can’t feel it. You’re gone, but maybe it’s for the best.
Maybe I want to feel love, joy, excitement. But maybe it’s better to not...
Hello old friend
Where have you been?
I missed the days that we’d hold hands, while we’d dance on top the gravel pit sands.
We’d bounce to the moon and sing the Lion King tune.
We’d play pretend and dress up, true. But when your brothers were mean, you were too.
All I asked was for a friend, someone I could call up and would answer the other end.
But when it came time to leave you did,...
4 tags
Things my Pride won't say;
Dear Jack-
Thank you for inspiring me, minimizing me, curing me, and saving my life more than once.
Dear Jack-
I love you, I always have. Please come back. I can keep a secret.
Dear Jack-
I forgive you for betraying me over and over again. You are not the source of my complexes and hatred. I am for letting scum like you into my life again.
Dear Jack-
What went wrong? Why?
Dear Jack-
You...
Confusion Part 2.
1 tag
Watched Dear Jack Last Night
I’ve never been more inspired to live, write, and dream before.
08. Piggy back rides on top of piggy back'd lies
Wished I would have known before what I was getting myself into.
Washed out faces and torn down eyes. Pain from ear to ear.
Spending three hours to find inspiration for something that took thirty seconds to find.
I’ve got the mid-winter blues and whites and reds. I’ve got late summer crisp air in my veins and fog on my mind.
I’ve got sleeping trouble. I’m back to...
I think my greatest downfall is that the music no longer inspires me.
My greatest muse has become my biggest obstacle.
I guess I’ll have to finish this later…
Jealousy Part 1
You were my everything. I was your nothing.
Lust, rush, hushed. Missed, kissed, whisked (away). Unrequited, dejection, hopeful, fearful, hopeful. Love. Secret, nightfall, shooting star. Heartbreak, hopeless, chances. Regret. Cinderella Story.
You were my everything. I was your everything.
Love, rush. Loss, lost friends. Death. Remorse. Regret. Demands. Hate, love, hope, war, bruises, scars,...
2 tags
4 tags
I should probably be asleep. But I can’t help realizing the things that I’ve changed over the years. I used to be content in basketball shorts, old band tees, bed head, and clean faced. Now I feel uneasy leaving the house in anything less than heels, skinny jeans, dark liner, and heavy mascara. I used to listen to Konstantine on repeat while I slept to keep nightmares away, now I can...
2 tags
“Sometimes you have to be weak to be strong. And at times you have to be strong...”
– Alex Gaskarth
2 tags
Apathy. Part 1.
My greatest fear has always been letting down those close to me. Hurting. Betraying. Losing. What hurts more is this was all unexpected.
I let you down.
I hurt you.
I betrayed you.
I lost you.
And though I prepared for you to hurt, and subsequently: me- hurt, you felt nothing. The pain that was meant to be split by two individuals hit me harder than starched sheets. I wish it hadn’t...
2 tags
Confusion. Part 1.
You are the salt in my ocean, I am the salt in your wounds
And no matter how hard I try I can never escape. You are dissolved into my bloodstream. My heart may stop beating for you but my brain will always hold on.
The subconscious is funny like that. The way your words can break my day is even funnier.
I’ll never know the truth, I’ll never know the truth. The way you phrase it will...
My point is, for the past six years I have left it up to the world of blogging to reset my head. I am a year+ overdue, my last entry was two years ago. I need to refresh. I just need to remember how.
How did I inspire myself to feel so uninspired?
How do I start fresh without changing a thing?
Maybe I’m a different person now; maybe it’s because I’ve waited to long; maybe...
The Past
This is Then:
2006
2007
2008
2008 (2)
2009-2010
This is Now.
“All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of...”
– T.E. Lawrence 